even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
