meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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