Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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