so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
