Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
