ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
