I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
