my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
