I'm going to jail i love you
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Randomize
