foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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