went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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