We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
