32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
