4 words: hood of his car
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
