You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
