grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
