everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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