billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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