Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
