dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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