i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
