When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
