You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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