First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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