I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Help. Why am I so naked?
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