he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
