i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
