I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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