before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
