Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
