tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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