before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
