So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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