Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
