I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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