pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
