Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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