if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
