they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
