That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
