I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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