its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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