So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
