evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
