do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
