I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
