Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I can tuck mytits in my pants
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
