yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
