I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
