If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
